Choices choices

Well it's official!

I am a stay at home mom! I am excited for this new adventure and also nervous. 

I think I am doing pretty good as a mom but am I good enough. I'm sure others struggle with this same issue, if only that took away the worry and guilt.

This was a hard choice for a couple reasons. I loved my job! Loved it and I was good at it! The people were great to work with and I was passionate about our work. I was the volunteer coordinator at Canadian Blood Services and everyday we helped people save lives and helped more people get involved. 

Will people look down at me for just being a mom? Work of a mom is hard stuff, you do a bit of everything and are helping shape society. I know in my heart it's important but I hear so many voices saying I'm selfish. I should be helping to provide for my family. Your house isn't clean enough for being at home all day. What do you even do? I think people will think I am lazy because I don't work all day, go to school at night and have a family. 

I am so blest to have a husband that provides for us so I can stay home and raise Bee. I am glad that I don't have to be running a million miles all the time so I can be with my kids when I am needed. You don't know when those times will come. You can't prepare for everything but I can be available. Who cares if my dishes aren't done and there are Cheerios all over. We are happy, healthy and learning. That's what I need to do for my family. My grandma has a magnet that says "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" I need to be able to focus on what is important. Keeping my family together and on track with what we want for our selves. I couldn't do that if I was always stressed about various things and splitting myself in half. My family deserves my best self and I decided that my best self is my whole self. 

This is not an easy decision at all and I'm not 100% sure that I really want to stay at home but as I wrote this post it is becoming clearer that this is a positive choice. A good choice but not an easy choice.

I am also very blest that we own our own business that I can do when time allots. It brings extra money into our lives and also provides us with opportunities to learn and grow. As I stay at home I will be focusing more on business to help reach our goals and get out of debt as soon as possible. 

I was worried about getting mommy brain and not pushing myself. I am a driven person and I need something to keep me progressing. Owning our own company allows me to do that at my own pace and without putting my priorities on the sidelines. 

I am blest and our family will be blest. I feel it but my brain still says you could be doing more. Is that really my brain or the pressures of society? 

Through The Lord anything is possible. He will direct us even when we aren't 100% sure what we are doing. We have taken a step into the darkness and I know without a doubt he will show us where to put our feet next. Just keep on moving and have faith.

I CAN do this! I CAN do this!